Raziq Rauf

“I’d like to think that everyone was quite surprised with my medical. I’ve obviously passed them before, and my fitness is high. A lot is made out of it but I certainly don’t feel like I’m injury prone.”

Michael Owen, 03 July 2009

Watch his womb prolapse against Birmingham.

When it comes to shit presents, it’s never too early to start planning.

“Err… Thanks?”

I’ve bought these in time for the Annual BSM 5-a-side tournament but not in time to break them in.

If score more goals than I get blisters on Sunday, I’ll be happy.

I only want to score one goal. Please.

U.S.A. Chicken & Pizza – Leytonstone

Located on Church Lane, right opposite Leytonstone Tube Station, I imagine U.S.A. Chicken & Pizza is quite the hotbed of activity from closing time at The Walnut Tree until just after the last eastbound Central Line train passes through E11.

Sadly, a specific state or city is not mentioned in the name. Instead, the proprietors involve the entire nation famed for their fried chicken. It’s a glorious starting point for this new feature of this sub-standard blog.

Handily, Google has provided the exact address and telephone – just in case you want to call ahead and make sure your heavily-breaded/cheesed meal is ready upon disembarking at one of east London’s more salubrious surrounds.

29 Church Lane,
Leytonstone,
London. E11 1HG.
020 8556 7733‎

If I was ranking this chicken parlour then it would definitely get bonus marks not only for the full colour menu with real life pictures of food, but also for having a cash machine lodged lovingly into the window. Nobody likes having to downsize due to insufficient funds.

USA: done, but not even started

—–

What is your favourite American state-oriented fried chicken joint? Do you have one in your locale that I haven’t had the chance to look at from the outside, but definitely not from the inside? Be sure to let me know so I can investigate! BE SURE.

This is dry. In a good way.

FYI, Amy Hempel is great.

Lots of colourful little bowls. They are made of melamine.

On the advent of yet another plane crash, I ponder whether flying really is still safer than driving.

I don’t have any stats to help me come to a viable conclusion so, with your help, I thought I would make some of my own. I’m such a go-getter. Hmmm…

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Every picture told a different tale of idiocy but here are the finest…

1. Stupid way to drink wine.

2. Stupider way to carry beer.

3. I wish this hit a puddle full of cunts. That’s not a reason but whatever.

It’s not “h’orderve”, thank you very much, Anonymous BBC Football correspondent. From the Spain vs South Africa, Confederations Cup 3rd place playoff:

FYI:

hors d’oeu⋅vre
/ɔr ˈdɜrv; Fr. ɔr ˈdœvrə/ [awr durv; Fr. awr dœ-vruh]
–noun, plural hors d’oeuvre, hors d’oeuvres

1. a small bit of appetizing food, as spicy meat, fish, cheese, or a preparation of chopped or creamed foods, often served on crackers or small pieces of toast, for eating at cocktail parties or other gatherings where drinks are served with no other food.
2. an appetizer, as a relish or more elaborate preparation, served before or as the first course of a meal.

Origin:
1705–15; outside of the main course

Being able to spell or having the sufficient cultural/social knowledge and experience to string a not-shit sentence together is clearly not a pre-requisite to being a BBC journalist any more.

Great.