I had the pleasure of going to see Twilight last year on the opening day of release. Needless to say I was the oldest (easily) and most male (just) person in the theatre. I won’t be making the same mistake this year. Oh no!
Not unless I go and watch it ironically and PLAY A DRINKING GAME?! Ok.
Take a drink if:
- You find yourself wondering if Thom Yorke knew what soundtrack he was signing up for. The sell must have been amazing.
- Bella finds herself in a social situation but just stands there with her mouth open, looking a bit simple.
- Edward finds himself in a social situation and looks like he needs to do a poo. Possibly at Paul’s house.
- You feel depressed about being in a room full of very young girls.
Take two drinks if:
- You nod off briefly only to wake up having forgotten you’re watching NEW FUCKING MOON.
- Bella is still standing there with her mouth open, looking a bit simple.
- You feel horny about being in a room full of young girls.
Down the bottle if:
- You try and justify your terrible mind by telling yourself, “She’ll be quite fit in a few years…” Not good enough.
- You look at
Lucie JonesBella and wonder if you put X Factor on timer record.
You’ll need hard liquor for this. Don’t drive to the cinema.